A deep sigh escaped his lips as he let himself fall into the couch. He bit down on the inside of his cheek as he the cushions attempted to swallow him, not caring how far he was sinking in between them. All he could think about was his other half, the person he was rarely separated from. His emotions were chewing him up inside. "Hikaru..." a whisper of his name left his lips as his sandy eyes focused on the ground. He might have been starring at the floor, but he wasn't seeing it. He was too far lost in his own worry.
A half hour passed and his position remained the same. His breathing felt normal, but his heart was definitely going at a faster pace than he was used to. It was his own fault that his heart was so heavy, dripping with this miserable feeling. It all just happened so fast, and in the moment he had felt like he was making the right choice. During the very end of their time with the host club for the day, Haruhi had mentioned her partner for a recent school project had become ill, leaving all of the work up to her alone. Stupidly, Kaoru had volunteered his twin to help her as a substitute. He knew Hikaru enjoyed Haruhi's company. He just wanted him to be happy. Unfortunately, that meant sacrificing his own. Rarely was he ever in an empty room. He had gotten so used to the company that before now he couldn't remember what being alone felt like.
Another ten minutes went by, and he finally moved, leaning his head against the back of the soft couch and starring up at the ceiling. He couldn't help but wonder what they were doing right now. How much longer was the project going to take? Was Hikaru laughing? Was he smiling at her the way he had always smiled at him? Suddenly he felt himself shaking with anticipation as he wondered. The boy shook his head quickly. You can go home, Kaoru. You don't have to wait. He gave you permission. (Even though it wasn't like he needed it.) He tried to reason with himself. "Ten more minutes, and I'm leaving...." he muttered to himself as he straightened himself up. Long legs swung up onto the couch and Kaoru fell to his side, laying there. It wasn't like Tameki was here to scold him about getting dirt from his shoes on the furniture the guests sit on, so he might as well be as comfortable as possible within the torture.
Over forty-five minutes passed, and Kaoru begin to feel as though he was being engulfed by a black hole. It was like he was left to drift alone in space surrounded by nothing but black. His world was dark when Hikaru wasn't in it. He had given himself ten minutes with the unconscious assumption that Hikaru would be back by then. Unsettling images fluttered into his mind of Hikaru and Haruhi together. He imagined their hands together, fingers intertwined as the two leaned in slowly toward one-another. It made him sick. Those were his hands. That was his Hikaru. Selfish thoughts that went against the selfless act that he was trying to commit came flooding in. He should have followed him. He should have been watching them. It wasn't like he would stop what he let happen, but at least he would know. He wouldn't be in the dark.
Kaoru closed his eyes and swallowed hard just before he heard the sound of foot-steps coming though the door and getting louder as they made their way in his direction. He let them get closer, keeping his eyes closed. He knew who he wanted it to be, and he wasn't ready for the disappointment of it being another. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. The foot-steps stopped.
"You're still here?" A familiar voice spoke to him. His eyes shot open as he stared at the two legs before him. Kaoru looked up, seeing Hikaru towering over his laying body. It wasn't like Hikaru was surprised his brother had been waiting, but it still gave him the same satisfaction of knowing he didn't actually take him up on his empty courtesy of telling him it would be alright if he went home.
"Well, yeah. We always go home together." Kaoru gave him a smile as he tried to push down the stirring emotions that had been eating him alive during their separation.
"Don't like change then, huh?" Hikaru chuckled, but he wasn't buying the happy expression Kaoru was trying to sell him. He knew him too well for that. Kaoru shook his head with a short returned laugh as his twin pushed his legs back and sat down on the edge of the couch in front of them.
Kaoru rolled over onto his back and starred over at his brother. He could stare at him for hours and it would still have the same effect. The one that made him want to be closer. With that, Kaoru bent his knee and let it rest against Hikaru's back as nonchalantly as he could for a planned gesture. "Did you have a good time?" He smiled big and gave him a look as though he was implying something might have happened. Hikaru smirked and looked over at his mirror, reaching a hand forward and ruffling up his hair. Kaoru laughed and tried to shake it off. "H-Hikaru! S- Stop! You're messing up my hair!" He pleaded. It was the first real smile to reach his face since their afternoon apart.
"But you look so cute when you're annoyed!" Hikaru laughed and reached his hand down, tickling Kaoru's side. An echoing laugh filled the room as Kaoru squirmed. The reaction of his other twin was only feeding Hikaru's need to harass him as he bent forward, hovering over him as he tickled both of his sides now.
"Hikaru! N-no more! I can't take it!" Kaoru threw his head back, laughing so hard he was practically crying.
"You are way to ticklish, Kaoru. Makes it easy." Hikaru smirked, feeling accomplished before he looked away and up at the clock on the wall. His joyful expression faded a little as the realization settled in about how long Kaoru had been waiting for him. His eyes shifted to the ground. "Why did you make me help her, Kaoru?" His tone had switched into a completely serious one, as though someone had flipped a switch.
"Huh?" Kaoru tilted his head to the side as he starred up at his brother. "You mean... you didn't have fun?" Kaoru scooted himself back as he finally sat up on the couch.
"No, it's not that.... It's just...." He shook his head.
"It's just what?"
"It's just that.... You could have come too, ya' know." Hikaru looked over at him, almost looking angered by the situation. It caught Kaoru off guard, causing him to feel as though he'd done something wrong. His intentions were just to make his brother happy, but he didn't look very happy.
"But I thought-"
"You thought what?" Hikaru cut him off. "You thought you'd finally get some time to yourself? Find this individuality everyone keeps talking about? Like that time you faked sick and made me go out with her..."
"Made-" Kaoru couldn't even finish his own words as his heart sunk into of his chest further. "You've never taken this tone with me, are you angry?"
"N-no," Hikaru took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Kaoru. I'm just a little confused is all."
"Well, you like her... don't you?" Kaoru spat the question out, already knowing the answer. He just didn't care to hear it out loud. This was all about helping the only person in the world who mattered to him though. He had to be tough for his sake.
Hikaru leaned back in the couch, mimicking the first pose Kaoru seemed to take when he had left the room with Haruhi earlier. "Yeah," he admitted, and Kaoru felt a stinging sensation in his chest. He bit his tongue and forced a smile onto his face, though his eyes were beginning to sparkle with held back tears.
"Then, that's why!" He tried to let out a playful laugh as he nudged his elbow against his brother's arm. Turning his head, Hikaru felt like someone had just hit him with a bag of bricks upon seeing Kaoru's breaking expression.
"You didn't let me finish." Hikaru didn't know if he should have even bothered adding on to what he had only just spoken, but he couldn't look into Kaoru's watering eyes and not fix it. It was his job to take care of him and ensure his happiness. Hikaru knew how Kaoru felt. He had known it for as long as he could remember, and there was no doubt in his mind that he felt just as strongly himself. It was just society that stopped him from acting on it... their family... their friends. Even if the guests from the host club fawned over their act, he doubted everyone else would take it as well. The truth was that so many times over he wished that their extreme brotherly love act had been reality. It was the only time Hikaru felt he was ever allowed to tell Kaoru the things that lay in him mind. His heart began to pound against his rib-cage as he reached over and placed a hand on Kaoru's cheek.
Kaoru leaned in and his forehead against his identical other, letting the touch fill some of the gap he had been longing to get rid of. He had been this close to him so many times before, but it would never grow old. He also couldn't help but feel the want to be closer. "Then finish, Hikaru..." Hikaru was taking too long to finish, and Kaoru was anxious.
"I don't think it's the kind of like that you think it is..." Hikaru struggled to find the correct words as his eyes trailed down and stared at the lips of his twin. They were so perfect, even more so then his own though they were exactly the same. He longed for them. "How would I be able to fall for another when the one who's perfect for me has always been right here?"
The words played themselves over in Kaoru's mind. Again and again as he sat frozen. The tears that he had been holding in fell down his cheeks, only their meaning had changed. Hikaru reached up his other hand and brushed a few away though more took their place only a moment after. Determined now that he had gotten some of it out, Hikaru moved his lips close to his brother's ear. "I don't want to hide it anymore, Kaoru. It's too tiring," he whispered as a smile crept over his lips. It was beginning to feel like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. He moved once more so his lips were hovering over Kaoru's. "I love you," he spoke, brushing against them with each little word.
Kaoru's heart slammed into his chest so hard he swore he could hear it echo in his ears. "I-Is this a dream?" he whispered back only to earn a chuckle from his brother before the gap was closed completely. Hikaru pushed his lips into his brothers, moving them in unison. Even with something they had never done before, it was amazing how in sync they could manage to be. The kisses started out slow before picking up speed as the want to devour each other turned into need. All of the longing for this moment was flooding out of the both of them, their passion for one another shown through their kissing. Kaoru pulled away for a moment with a trembling smile as he fought off more tears. "Hikaru, I love you too!" he finally blurted out before eagerly ramming his lips back into his. Nothing had ever felt so right in their world.